Friday, June 3, 2011

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. VIII

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers

(2:04 PM, June 3, 2011)

This month will be the weirdest month we have weathered in a while.  On the first we started out on our new Gemini nodal axis.  That eclipse has inverted everything, friends are now enemies, and enemies are now friends, things that seemed important three days ago seem beyond tiresome today.  There is going to be two more eclipses before this month is over.  The universes way of letting you know that just because you don’t have any more really annoying retrogrades to deal with your shit is still going to get fucked up large.  The next two will finish out the Cancer cycle, making sure that the frustration that accompanied the Gemini black out will be super-charged emotionally.  Wars will start, weird technology wars, weird contests for popular opinion.  The net neutrality laws are coming, which hilariously will have nothing to do with net neutrality.  Gemini stuff.

Carefully examine your life.  How did you get here?  Why are you here?  Gemini will encourage you to externalize shit that isn’t actually external, to place your problems and frustrations ‘out there’.  Well they are not ‘out there’, you’re just a fuck up and this month is about getting you’re fucked up shit together.  Or crashing and burning spectacularly, there is also that option.  The one option which is no longer available to you is doing everything exactly as you have up until now.  Annoying but true.

Unsuccessful projects from last year will not be successful this year; actually you will be mercilessly punished for looking backwards.  Gemini wants to change things, play with the dynamics and find some new language that better describes this strange world we have found ourselves in.  You have maybe another week to accomplish what you needed to accomplish to benefit from these changes.  After that Saturn will station direct and your catch up time will be over.  Every planet will then race forward all at once.  Shit is going to happen so fast at that point that anyone carrying baggage simply won’t be able to keep up.  Drop the baggage and play to the inversion.  If you were a champion yesterday you are a villain today, be a villain.  If you were a villain yesterday you are a hero today, be a hero.

Obama is going to regulate your internet and China is going to push the peace process in the Middle East forward.  Fucked up right?  Trust me, the stars never lie.  That organic cucumber in your fridge is a biological weapon.  The enormous island of radioactive garbage floating in the mid-Pacific will make landfall on the West Coast before the end of July.  The sovereignty parties of the UK will paradoxically return control of Government back to the people and perhaps save the UK from collapsing with the rest of the Union into debt and poverty.

Bombs will not have to fall in America, that’s how much the universe hates you right now.  Your own lower class is going to tear you apart from the inside.  They are going to pull down power lines, and stock up on guns.  Constant environmental disasters will continuously hamstring progressive policy.  Your dollar is going to continue to fall and your real estate will soon be worth less than garbage. 

Smart whores are going to go international, Brazil, Argentina, New Zealand, Canada and the UK.  For you hustlers out there reading this, you my friends got nothing to worry about.  Actually I doubt you could be better positioned.  You Takers, you Choppers, you Heavies ... this is the world you were made for and you are going to eat the fuckers alive.  There aren’t enough cops in the world.  You lords of the underworld need to organize, the protection racket is coming back.  Think gated communities full of soft suburban’s and daddy’s girls.  They will pay you to rob them and seduce their women.

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